People say that patience is a virtue, but I think that honesty is much more important. Granted, as human being-and a teenage one, at that- I'm not always completely honest. I think that it's rare that I'm ever completely, 100% honest with anyone. Why is that? Why can't I talk to people, unafraid to say what's really on my mind? Sometimes, I feel like I'm even editing my thoughts. I try to keep myself from thinking a certain way, or about specific things. It's almost like I don't want to hear my thoughts. I don't want to face who I really am, alone and honestly.
Don't get me wrong, I love myself. I don't have any self-esteem, body image, or self-acceptance issues. But sometimes I just don't think that I'm completely fair or appropriate or what-have you. Sometimes, I surprise myself with my thoughts. They're wild things-things I wouldn't expect I am capable of thinking. And I suppose that's why I'm not always honest with people, isn't it? I don't want them to know everything about me, how I think and what I think. I don't want them to know I were really am.
But if I'm clipping myself-editing out the parcels of my character that I don't want other people to see... am I still that un-clipped, unedited person? Or have I become the new and improved, mature, appropriate, likable person? Is it healthy to be dishonest in this way? I don't even know if it counts as being dishonest. Is not telling the truth lying? But then again, if I were to be completely honest, nobody would like me. They'd find me to be a crude, unkind, immature, perverted, materialistic, needy, perverse girl. So would it really be better if I were completely honest?
Both Eugene, the main character in Brighton Beach Memoirs by Neil Simon, and Holden, the main character in the book The Catcher in the Rye by J.D Salinger, made me question honesty. Both characters often said what was honestly on their minds, never keeping a single perverted, unkind thought to themselves. As a result, I think it was easy for me to more than a little bit uncomfortable reading some parts of these books. I didn't like knowing what was really on these character's minds. Even though all their thoughts were natural, they were almost too honest. At the same time, their sincerity and honesty made these characters so real. I found myself relating to these characters. The writers dived straight into the mind of a pubescent boy, writing without hiding a single thing. And that's what I think made me love these books so much-even if sometimes I felt like I was hearing too much, the characters were totally relate-able.
But as much as I was able to relate to these characters, the other people that they interacted with in their books seemed unable to. These brutally honest boys seemed lonely, misunderstood, and disliked by the people around them. Why is that? Why don't the supporting characters like these totally honest people? Have these characters been hurt by Holden and Eugene's honesty? Does the truth, indeed hurt? I'm sure we can all say that we've been hurt by someones honesty. Perhaps being honest all the time would also end up hurting people all the time. At the same time, don't lies hurt people as well? Which is better?
Even if these characters seem to prove that honesty can be harmful and isolating, I read something recently that makes me think otherwise. Last week I was reading 36 Assumptions about playwriting by Jose Rivera, which is basically a list of things that make plays wonderful. One of the first things on this list was that a writer should hide nothing in their writing. It's important to be completely honest when one writes. A reader can tell when writing is authentic; that something is wrong. So if in the literate world, honesty is good, why is it that in the real world it seems that honest can cause trouble?
Maybe it's not the honesty, but what the honesty reveals. In being honest, we expose to the world all of our flaws. Perhaps, if we we'rent as flawed; if we were better, more respectable people, our honesty would not be a problem. Honesty can be good. And perhaps Rivera was only speaking about writing. Perhaps, it's okay to lie once in a while. Maybe it's better that I'm not 100% honest, 100% of the time. I think what Rivera was trying to say was that when you write, you have to write with your heart. Write what you feel-don't just write what you're told to write. And I think that this applies to life, too. Be honest-do what you feel is right, not what you're told is right. Of course, that doesn't mean that you should go about breaking every rule. Overall, honesty is good. An honest person is good. But an honest person also knows when NOT to say something. They will keep things hidden, because if you expose everything, you will become a Holden, a Eugene. You will be scrutinized, ostracized, disliked.
Honestly, honesty is a dangerous thing. It is not good or bad, but something much more complex. So use it with caution.
